During my time as an Assistant Dean in distance learning, my department was in a state of constant transition. It felt like everything was working against us, and I struggled not to take each decision personally. Every new change seemed like a direct challenge—an intentional slight. Frustrated, I vented to my wife, Kim, hoping for a bit of sympathy. Instead, she gave me an unfiltered reality check:
"You are delusional."
She was absolutely right. I had constructed a narrative in my mind that didn’t align with reality. I was interpreting every shift as a personal attack rather than recognizing the broader organizational challenges at play. Her blunt but honest feedback helped me reframe my perspective, making it one of the most valuable critiques I’ve ever received.
Over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate constructive criticism, especially when it comes from those who genuinely care about my growth as a person and leader. The right kind of feedback—even when difficult to hear—can be transformative. However, not all criticism is well-intentioned. Some people offer feedback to diminish, control, or undermine others rather than to encourage growth. Early in my career, I was too quick to dole out this kind of criticism myself. I lacked the necessary perspective, knowledge, and experience to provide meaningful feedback, but that didn’t stop me from questioning my leaders’ competence simply because I didn’t like their decisions.
Years later, as an academic dean, I found myself on the receiving end of tough decisions. Some colleagues approached me with open minds, wanting to understand my rationale. Those conversations—though challenging—were constructive and worthwhile. Others, however, came armed with assumptions and accusations, uninterested in understanding my perspective. They weren’t seeking clarity; they were looking for confirmation that a better leader—someone wiser, more compassionate, more capable—would never have made such choices. Those interactions weren’t just difficult; they were draining.
Criticism is an inevitable part of leadership. Some of it is crucial for growth, while other forms serve no real purpose beyond tearing you down. The key is learning to differentiate between the two. Helpful criticism is rooted in a desire to build up both the leader and the organization. Destructive criticism, on the other hand, is often self-serving—more about the critic’s preferences than about meaningful improvement.
If you aspire to lead, expect criticism. But more importantly, learn to filter it. The right kind of feedback will refine you. The wrong kind will only distract you. True leadership requires knowing the difference.
